The Future

A group of 7 and 8 year old girls were sitting in a restaurant giggling and whispering really close to one another. They all had huge smiles on their faces, speaking of some fun, mysterious plot they were concocting for their slumber party. They seemed to be having so much fun, creating these normal childhood memories. They didn't even notice me watching them. They were wearing hot pink and purple, with cute little girl earrings, not having a care in the world other than what they were planning!

It may sound creepy, but I couldn't help but watch these 4 girls. It was like seeing the future. The only difference is that we weren't in a restaurant. We were sitting at home and worried about our little girl away for the night. Not knowing whether she would behave herself at a friends house. Not that she would pull elaborate pranks, or steal the car, or anything like that, but rather, would she eat when she needed to, the right amount, and the right kind of food? Would she remember to take her medicines, and to check her blood sugar if she wasn't feeling well? Would the people she was with watch her carefully to make sure she doesn't sneak any foods?
Would she even be able to go without having a feeding tube at night?

The future for us is so daunting. I know all mothers have their own fears and concerns. Mine may seem unreasonable and full of doubt. I really like to hope that Evie will lead a normal, healthy life. The reality is, life for her, will be very different and very hard. Seeing those 4 girls really made this reality hit home for me. She won't be able to eat out. She won't even be able to go over to a friends house to spend the night without having proper snacks and meals prepared.

Sometimes I have to stop myself from worrying about the future. I have to take each minute, hour, and day, one at a time. One feeding at a time. A wonderful pastor at Brookwood told me that God gives us grace for the very second that we are living it. Sometimes its hard to believe we have even come this far. I read on another friend's blog "I think if I didn't live my life ,I would wonder if all this could possibly happen within one family". I know that we are truly blessed. God has his hand on our family, thats for sure. It is hard to fathom. As I retell our story to others, it does seem hard. And it is hard. I just find that living minute to minute is what gets me through. I can't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow isn't here.
I realize that her condition is very stable and not as bad as others. I pray daily for other, more sickly children around the world. We are very blessed.

I ask for patience as we go through these hard times. I get down about it a lot, and I am looking forward to the day when I finally accept this diagnosis for our family. I was thinking today that I do want more children. I honestly do. I would go through this again, just so that our family would be complete. God is not done with us yet. I am, however, very ready for him to reveal his plan to me. Its in his timing. I pray that we can get through these next few hours and to tomorrow. It is, afterall, a brand new day.