Sometimes I feel like a 2 year old. Laying on the floor, flailing her arms about all the while, screaming "Life's Not Fair". Then God, the ever patient Father, comes in and says, "No, its not. I'm sorry, but this is for your own good, and I know how much it hurts, but things will be better for you in the end". The Father lets his daughter pout. Only, my pouts last for several hours, even days. I wish I could be like that 2 year old that quickly forgets her troubles, and accepts the decisions her Father has made.
It seems that, lately, I stay in this mindset of deep disparity. Today, a few things set me off. Firstly, somethings are truly personal and I cannot post about them. Secondly, I looked around the VBS room today noticing all the healthy kids, and again my mind screamed "Its Not FAIR"! Thirdly, they announced the snack. It was to be goldfish and juice. Evie cannot eat goldfish. Again screamed, "Its not fair". I am trying to train my brain to think about all the things she can eat, instead of all the things she can't. As you can read, its not going well.
I wish I could quit pouting. I wish I could accept this decision that God made about my family. I wish that I could be that mom that doesn't need help. I wish that I could sleep. I wish that I could keep up with the housework. I wish....I wish....
Well I guess you can wish in one hand and....well, you know how the old saying goes. I pray daily that this gets better soon. I am going to attempt to have goals for my day to day living. I think that may help. And to keep a schedule. I've heard that helps.
Thanks for going on this journey with us and letting me vent.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know somewhat where you are too, girl. God has plans for us, and we can't know why we go through different things in our lives, but God has a reason. We just need to make sure we continue to turn to Him in these times of desperation.
ReplyDeleteI am struggling with infertility and going anywhere in the world just presents so many situations where I ask, why do they get pregnant so easily? It brings feelings of jealousy and envy, as well as discouragement and failure. However, I am overcoming those feelings as well knowing that I will have a baby one day, it just may not happen in my time.
Hang in there girl! You can do it! I will continue to pray for you and your family! :)
Leah, I had no idea that you were struggling with that. I have had 2 friends in the past struggle with it and one just delivered a healthy baby boy and the other is pregnant! God can work miracles. Thanks for your prayers. I will begin praying for you and your hubby as you work through this tough time. You are right, God's timing is not ours. I am beginning to try to understand how God works. Its just very hard and a constant struggle. Thanks for writing!!
ReplyDeleteMy sons have a very different disability (autism), but one thing I have learned is that I need a lot more help then the typical stay at home mom. I can't imagine having the feeding schedule you have! After a while you get so you don't care what other people think, believe me.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are doing a great job, but you definitely should take any help you can find!
I stopped by from the FOD group. I can soooo relate.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how patient God is.
Hi Brittany. I just read this post and it was like reading my own feelings and thoughts. Luke is almost 5 now and it does get better. And guess what, he CAN eat Goldfish! And Evangeline will too! As she gets older, her fat allowance will go up. Luke is now up to 19 g per day. Honestly, sometimes it's even hard to get him to eat that much! So, there is a light that pokes hole through our tunnel and journey with LCHAD. It's okay to be a 2 yr old sometimes. I still am with this. You'll be okay and amazed at what her body CAN do. Hugs!
ReplyDelete